Three nuns died and went to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates they were met by St. Peter. He told them that in order to get into Heaven they had to answer a skill testing question. They all agreed. He asked the lst one, “Who was the first man on earth?” She said, “Oh that’s easy,” and then she answered, “Adam.” The Pearly Gates swung open, the angels started to sing, and she flew up into Heaven. He asked the 2nd nun, “Who was the first woman on earth?” She said, “Oh that’s easy too,” and then she said, “Eve.” The Pearly Gates swung open, the angels started to sing, and she flew up into Heaven. He asked the 3rd one, “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam.” She said, “That’s a hard one, isn’t it?” The Pearly Gates swung open, the angels started to sing…..
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An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: ‘Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: ‘He lives in a home with four children—he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?’
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Arthur is 95 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 30 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad…once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a hundred and three. He can’t help.”
“He may be a hundred and three”, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law.”Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did!” says the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.
“I can’t remember.”
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Once a mother had 3 children.
Child A came up to her and said, "Why am i called Raindrop?"
She replied, " Because when you were born, a raindrop fell on your head."
Child B came up to her and said, "Why am i called leaf?"
She replied, "Because when you were born, a leaf fell on your head."
Child C came up to her and said, "NGGDSFUOUTHWEYFDSHRWDSHFS."
She replied,
"SHUT UP BRICK!"