For battlefield players, made me laugh :D
You know when you’ve been playing Battlefield too much when…
You’re no longer afraid of heights. If you fall off you can always press the space bar.
When you go to open your car, the first finger on your left hand starts twitching.
Walking down the street you keep turning around to watch your six.
You see snipers everywhere.
You’re always evaluating rooftops for their sniping potential and wondering if you can get a grenade that high.
You consider yourself an expert on tribalism and the psychology of groups.
You begin to understand loners. Only one in twenty Squad leaders mark the flags!!
Every time you see a flag, you make a mental note of its height, colour and movement. You check the base of the flagpole for potential enemies.
In your subconscious, "don’t forget to brush your teeth" is replaced by "don’t forget to reload".
After finally switching off your computer and going to bed you spend another fifteen minutes playing virtually in your head. You get a great score.
When you do eventually fall asleep, you have a nightmare where you gun keeps jamming and you get a really bad score.
Everyday life begins to seem exotic because there are women in it.
You never liked them at school but suddenly you begin to have a profound appreciation for statistics.
You’re considering taking a course in first-aid. You never know.
You’re fascinated by the defibrillators at American airports. If anyone had a heart attack you’d have them revived in less than 10 seconds.
You want someone to have a heart attack so that you can prove it.
You have hang-ups about the lack of coherence between your gaming and your pacifist principles.
You avoid flammable drums like the plague but when you see them you mentally take a pot shot.
When you walk up ladders you try to do it quietly.
You’re ten button mouse doesn’t have enough buttons.
You think you can run on snow and ice without slipping and breaking your neck.
You begin to take great pleasure out of sneaking up on people.
You practice knifing in the kitchen with a real knife.
You start taking lessons in Russian so that you can understand things like "PROTIVNIK V REAKTORNOM ZALE”*
You’re at dinner with your girlfriend. She remarks that you’re a million miles away and wants to know what you’re thinking about. How do you explain to her that you’re working on new tactics for your favourite map and can’t wait for dinner to end so you can go back home, put her to bed, turn on the computer and try out those new tactics?
You’re at dinner with your girlfriend (the following night). She remarks that you seem upset. How do you explain that your best friend finally got your dog tags and that you can’t wait for dinner to end so you can go back home, put her to bed and go get them back?!!
You’re girlfriend leaves you. You don’t care. No more nagging while you play on the computer.
She tells you that you need professional help. You agree and sign up for basic training at the local army base.