TDU 505

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby. She said, "Let's start with the boys first." Boys start giving their intro... First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub." Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it\'s ok John. Yes next." Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub." Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next." Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub." Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next." This continues... and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub." Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don\'t think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please." First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds." Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next." Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes." Teacher "Now it\'s like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you..." Most beautiful girl of the class: "Madam, my name is Bubbles, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JOKE BELOW UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER...uh...just children There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn’t afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said “We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married”. So they got married and all three daughters then said “I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it”. The parents couldn’t afford it either so they decided they would have the honeymoon at their parents house. So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she just ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and decided to ignore it. The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter “Why were you screaming?”. And the daughter replied “Well mother you told me to scream when something hurt.” Then the mother said to the second daughter “Why were you laughing last night?” and the daughter replied “Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled”. Then the mother said to the last daughter “Why didn’t I hear anything coming from your room last night?” and the daughter replied “Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full”.

wont kill u just travel at 15 :D

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”

im sorry iced...

yup true..but really i have too many to choose from..i'll vote if there's either a tie or a unclear winner (same thing?LOL) and i'll probably miss it as imma only allowed online on weekends..today's an exception

u guys are getting better Undecided again

Which is why i havnt :D Welkahm my frieand

A preacher, attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

**UPDATE** [ATTACH]2902[/ATTACH] Guess the trio :D

Ok there's a little harsh words that Diablo or other mods may want to edit A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot." "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me." "I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird." "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot ***** around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?" "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion." The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that." "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer." The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman." "What?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot. "My God!" the guy says. "Then what?" "Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time... "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy. "That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my *BLEEP* perch."

now now no more suggestions

Beautiful commercial Just watch it here (dont wanna spoil it..its just great :D)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6Fem5rbLNk with some help from a few mates :p Enjoy!

just a normal kid with a rich dad

he's always at the mandarin..

grats mate! at least u 2 can drive :(

[ATTACH]2895[/ATTACH] Go see the picture

haha and im doing all this for free (tho alittle rep when some good ones come in would be nice :D:D:D:D)

ooo right (ala Sexy_Time) anyways just thought of impersonating.......YOU :D

whatwhatwhatwhat? i didnt catch that

when a friend angers you its Dont get mad, GET EVEN :twisted: anyway welcome dude and hopefully u'll be out of your problems soon. dont worry baldred will gladly....:D

A burly construction worker comes home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he grabs the guy and drags him naked down the stairs to the garage. He grabs the guy's *BROTHER*, puts it in a vise, screws it down real tight and removes the handle of the vise. Then he rummages around in a drawer until he finds a hacksaw, which he picks up and displays to the terrified man. The man, wide-eyed, screams, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut off my *BROTHER*, are you?" The husband hands him the hacksaw and says: "Nope. You are. I'm setting the garage on fire." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing football over there?" "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the bloody goalie." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man is giving evidence in court and the defendant's barrister asks him "How far from the accident were you when it happened?" He replied "36 feet, 2 and a quarter inches" "Nonsence how can you be so precise" "Well I knew some bloody fool would ask me so I measured it." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise For answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said"I have a praise. Two months ago my husband Jim had a terrible bicycle wreck and his Scrotum was smashed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know If they could help him." She continued"Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move Caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate Operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and Wrap wire around it to hold it in place." The men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably. She continued"Now Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say with time his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to Say A man rose and walked to the podium. He said"Good morning I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife ONCE AGAIN the word is STERNUM." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figger out." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. "Well according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?" "Right." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?" "Er--right." "An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?" "Again you're right." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?" "All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doing?" P.S i think they're making more Children Of Israel

EDIT Sorry double post

haha typical indian accent...which i can do :D another one

MOD EDIT: Please do not double post. The edit button is there for a reason :D:D:D