well this just wouldn't be a Joke book without the blonde jokes
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”
***********
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided tohire out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearbywell-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the firsthouse, and asked if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use someone to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
"The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50.00?"
The man agreed and told her that everything she would need was already in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I suppose I was starting to believe all of those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by E-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gaveit 2 coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 andhanded it to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a'Porch,' it's a Lexus."
*********
A blonde and a brunette drive into a lumberyard. The blonde gets out of her truck, walks up to a worker, and asks for some four-by-twos.
"You mean two-by-fours?" the worker asks.
The blonde says, "I’ll go check." She walks back to the truck, asks the brunette, and returns a minute later. "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?" asks the worker.
The blonde pauses for a minute and says, "Hold on, I’d better go check."
After a moment, the blonde returns to the worker and says, "A long time. We’re gonna build a house."