Some advice about the missus please chaps

[Who]

As some of you may have heard me babbling on xbox live, i have a very nice girlfriend by the name of harriet (or hattie for short) Ive been with her 2 months now and we are deeply in love. Aswell as being my GF she is also by best friend, and has been for over a year, so whilst i love her as my partner, she means the world to me and her psyhological state is paramount to me. Shes 6ft and of average build (no exess fat, on her stomache or her legs) but recently she has become really badly obsessed with her weight. this is where i need help.

 

Following some shallow comments by a tosspot who used to be a friend, she has become extremely insecure about her weight. She has now gone on a weight loss crusade so she can be 'skinny' now i dont mind if she wants to be thin, i couldnt care either way as im one of those rare blokes who couldnt care less about a girl's body, i find a fantastic personality far more important than nice lines., but she is doing this so scum like the ex friend don't judge her. she is doing this for the shallow people in this world and is forgetting who really matters to her.

 

When i say shes obsessed with weightloss, i mean it. Shes recently started having vinegar and lemon juice in water as a drink, as the acid boosts her own stomache acid, shes chewing gum constantly, even before she has breakfast, because its supposed to boost the metabolism. shes only eating 1000 calories a day, and now shes even found some metabolism boosting pills. she has told me that she wont go baelemic again, but yesterday she said that was because it didnt taste nice (that made me cry :() Shes lost 6lb in 7 days, and over 4 weeks has lost 3 inches on her waist. she claims this isnt fast enough.

 

i dont know what to do. I love her so much, and what she is doing is tearing me apart. im having dreams, losing sleep and im on an emotional rollercoaster. she says she'll stop when shes happy, the original target was 9 stone, from over 11. its not healthy. shes a 6ft girl with double ds, being so skinny you can see the ribcage isnt right for anyone, and it wont suit her :(

 

shes putting physical appearance over her health. can anyone advise me what to do, because ive tried reasoning, emotional blackmail and complimenting her (she is beautiful as it is)

 

sorry for the essay, but im stuck between a rock and a hard place, i got barely 4 hours shuteye last night :(

[Nipper]

OK, so some twurp called her fat (guessing here) and it made her think differently, and yadda yada...

 

My advice would be try to get her to realise that she is doing herself major harm to herself, explain that -twurpboi- is just trying to get her to react and by losing weight like this she is letting him get the satisfaction he desires.

 

If i was you i would be straight over to -twurpboi- to give him a piece of my knuckles, but i know you think differently to me so i tried to be clever in my advice (although knocking him clean out would be satisfying :p)

 

Also, don't try to get her to stop via blackmail, it won't work, trust. What you're better off doing is telling her you will support her no matter what she does (makes her feel more confident about you, and herself).

 

Hope this helps mate, good luck. :)

[Baxie]

I did some research on eating disorders for a series of articles a few years back.

 

Now I can't remember here, but I think that you are somewhere around 16 or so?

 

And I guess that your GF is of similar age (Can't really remember).

 

There is something a lot worse going on that mere weightloss. I am guessing that your GF has taken off eating red meat, eggs and other iron-rich sorts of food.

 

For a girl who is still "growing" these are exceptionally vital for her menstrual cycle and for her reproductional system. It is a huge problem among fashion-vegetarians, that they don't get a thoroughly balanced diet and this end up underdeveloped and even unable to haver children without complications at a later time simply due to problems in the development phase as she matures.

 

 

My advice is to be supportive of her, but also to make very clear where you stand. I don't believe that one person saying she could stand to loose weight can send someone on a weightloss like you describe here. There are more issues at hand.

 

Tell her, that you worry about her health and that you don't care if she weighs 300 pounds, but you don't like her eating habits and her recent diet.

 

Another thing is to contact a help centre for people with eating disorders. Usually a hospital or doctor can redirect you to a place close by. Call them and explain what is happening. Then bring your girlfriend there. You said "wont go baelemic again" and this scares the crap out of me. If she has had an eating disorder before, then she really needs professional help. And soon.

 

Your instincts telling you to call out for help here was right. It isn't something that you and her should be "handling" alone. She needs to talk to people who have been in her situation and who knows how to help.

 

Best of luck Lewis. Really hope this works out for you.

[Nodz86]

Really sorry to hear about this mate.

 

First of all as nipper suggested get the boys and go have a word with the person who caused this.

 

But on a more serious note, I could understand the lemon and viniger for a week to detox but from the line "she has told me that she wont go baelemic again" I assume she has had issues with her wieght before so this seems more like she could be relapsing, which is what you don't want.

 

The first thing I would do is talk to her parents. I don't know what they are like but I'm sure if its to do with their daughter's health they would want to know, also don't feel guilty about going behind her back and talking to her parents as she should understand why you are doing it. The other reason for doing this is, if I've assumed right and she has had problems before, then her parents would have experianced this with her and might know what to do. Also this would give her more support.

 

After a quick look on the net and a few BMI sites (Body Mass Index) they say a person of 6" should be between 10st 7 to 13st 7. You haven't put what wieght she is now but 9st target is way under what she should be and loosing 6lb in 7 days, and over 4 weeks has lost 3 inches on her waist is not good for anyone unles they have been put on a diet and being regulaly checked on by a Doctor or qualified dietrician. Also this could cause her to loose her assets aswell (natural curves, bust, etc) as when you loose weight you loose these aswell, a good example of this was when Gerri Haliwell done her extreme dieting.

 

I kinda of know what you mean about an emotional rollercoster, I had a bit of a bad patch with my other half (who I've been with for 5yrs and good mates for 2yrs) a few years back, it wasn't about wieght it was about our relationship, but as I said I can relate to how you feel as its like a double whammy, you are worried/upset as a BF and as a friend which makes it twice as hard, all I can say on that is to be strong and stand by her and help her through it, it might take weeks or months but if anything it will make your relationship stronger.

 

But as I said before the first thing you should do is go and talk to her parents , I know it seems like your betrying her but your not as this is very serious and needs sorting.

 

Hope thats been of some help and hope you get this sorted

[Who]

thanks all. it seems its now a matter of caring for her as a best mate though.

 

the relationship sadly ended today.

 

a friend of hers was diagnosed with lung cancer over the weekend. That friend had and might still have a crush on her (bad) he also hates me for some reason im unaware of (worse)

 

If radiotherapy doesnt work he has till march.

 

so basically

 

Me = hated by him

Her = sleeping with me

him = crush on her

us as a couple = possibly crippling to him if he finds out

him = dying

her = guilty.

 

for her own peace of mind she has called an end to it. im fine with it in principle but i still feel terrible.

 

i think i can get her back by going out with her friend rach for a bit, as she seems to want to. however she would probably only be a short term thing. going out with someone else makes her surprisingly interested, as i had tried for a while before we went out to get with her, and it was only when i got a new GF and said i wasnt interested that she started wanting me (playing hard to get works methinks!) in the meantime, ill enjoy being single :p

[Nodz86]

Sorry to here about it ending mate, hope your ok.

 

Personally I wouldn't bother getting with someone else just to back with her as that is unfair on that person. But at the end of the day its up to you and what makes you happy.

[Who]

i know her, shes a short term person :p

 

by short term i mean drunken one night stand person :p

 

but i wouldnt want to use her. its just ideas in my head.

 

Im feeling quite pathetic really, im angry at a guy because he's dying. :/

[Nipper]

i know her, shes a short term person :p

 

by short term i mean drunken one night stand person :p

 

but i wouldnt want to use her. its just ideas in my head.

 

Im feeling quite pathetic really, im angry at a guy because he's dying. :/

 

If he has got lung cancer from smoking then he deserves it, he should know not to smoke the cork as that will get you lung cancer real quick....

 

good luck mate, stuff happens but dont let it put you down :)

 

Watch your language please.

[Baldy]

Sorry to hear about this mate, it's all happened, so suddenly, you know where i am if you wanna talk.

[YeOldeTDUMan]

i know her, shes a short term person :p

 

by short term i mean drunken one night stand person :p

 

but i wouldnt want to use her. its just ideas in my head.

 

Im feeling quite pathetic really, im angry at a guy because he's dying. :/

 

Some advice from an old bloke ...

 

Don't do a knee jerk reaction and EVEN have a drunken 1 night stand with this other girl.

 

You'll only feel worse than you do at the moment ... and you'll end having ZERO chance of ever getting back with this girl you love.

 

Also resorting to Alcohol as a friend isn't a good idea ... trust me on that one!

 

If you REALLY love this girl, then you'll give it some time, as you said she most probably feels guilty about this other guy with the illness. Bad illnesses do funny things to relationships ...

 

Just give it some time mate ... who knows how things will work out ... just don't do anything stupid.

[FA430RGT]

Wow.. What a thread.. I think Hybrid has earned the online name of "The Elder".. I Salut you sir and and Lewis you too for your understanding.. I won't explain my reasoning behinde it as it may make you think twice..

[Who]

thankyou all :)

 

poor guy with lung cancer never touched a ciggy in his life, thats what makes it worse.

[craigie]

wow, that was an interesting read

 

i can't really add to anything more than has been said but i hope it all goes well with you, your ex/girlfriend and the guy with lung cancer

[Enos]

wow, that was an interesting read

 

i can't really add to anything more than has been said but i hope it all goes well with you, your ex/girlfriend and the guy with lung cancer

I second thaat, all in one day aswell! WOW! Good Luck mate!

[Who]

As the song goes 'thats life' so i just need to move on, and support her over this loss. College is just around the corner so I'm sure there will be lots of nice girls there, i hope so anyway because I've have crap luck so far.

 

Its going to be hard stopping mind, yesterday, after the decision was made i still really wanted to kiss her, and i think she wanted to as well. Normally i would be persistent but the issue is so big i think it would be selfish to try and get her back for the time being. I going to give her a while before i try anything. so in Atari terms i could have her back 'soon' :p

[Nodz86]

Good things come to those who wait, I had to wait a over year to get with my other half.

 

Hopefully it will all work out in the long run.

[YeOldeTDUMan]

Dodgem ... just give this girl all the support she needs ... just be there for her as a friend when times are hard ... and who knows something might rekindle in the future, but I wouldn't force the issue.

 

Oh and some women are worth the wait .............

[Who]

aye, truth told i went out with her briefly a year ago. that broke down due to her wanting a friend and not a partner aswell. ive been waiting as such since then. the good things idea is true! although it only lasted 2 months they been 2 of the best months of my life.

 

as Fawad told me on MSN a while back. im too young. simple.

[Nige]

Sorry to hear this man.

 

You know what it doesn't matter what other people think about your gf, its how she feels and as long has she is happy surely thats all that matters ????

 

Do you feel she is happier now than before ???

 

Why do girls get all sensitive to these comments I say its all these supermodels who are disgustingly thin with the size 0 clothes and girls think that is good and guys like it ????.

[Who]

i know shes not happier. her crusade against her waistline has fudged her up royally.

 

shes taking 2 paracetemol every day and she still has regular pains.

 

oh, and when she eats a big meal her stomache suffers really badly, ive seen her after a meal, she is in severe pain.

 

Nodz, can you show me the source you got the BMI from? i need to show her what is healthy, without her knowing ive been asking around (shes very touchy and is desperate to be independant, ive offered to do exersize with her to help if she wants but she wont have any of it)

 

I hate vanity with a passion.

[cocoki700]

i dont mean to be disrespectful but this sounds like a soap.but man my sister once was dieting when i was young if she doesnt eat anything shes gonna faint so tell her to be careful

[Nodz86]

Nodz, can you show me the source you got the BMI from? i need to show her what is healthy, without her knowing ive been asking around (shes very touchy and is desperate to be independant, ive offered to do exersize with her to help if she wants but she wont have any of it)

 

All I done was searched "BMI chart" on google and loads of sites come up, also go to your local gym, tesco they have a machine the measures your weight and your hieght and gives you a print out of what your weight and BMI should be for your height.

 

Also these machines don't fully take into account your muscle weight and bone structure so these are just advisory. To find out properly you'd have to see a dietician or doctor as they have ways of measuring fat, muscle wieght and all the other factors to get a more acurate ideal weight.

 

Theres the one I used, i also searched for results from the UK as guidelines from other countries may differ.

 

http://www.caloriecounting.co.uk/resources/charts/bmi.htm

[Nipper]

i know shes not happier. her crusade against her waistline has fudged her up royally.

 

shes taking 2 paracetemol every day and she still has regular pains.

 

oh, and when she eats a big meal her stomache suffers really badly, ive seen her after a meal, she is in severe pain.

 

Nodz, can you show me the source you got the BMI from? i need to show her what is healthy, without her knowing ive been asking around (shes very touchy and is desperate to be independant, ive offered to do exersize with her to help if she wants but she wont have any of it)

 

I hate vanity with a passion.

 

Hope these help ....

 

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

 

http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/fitness/progminceur/fprogminceur2.asp?gclid=CIfg3--p9Y0CFQQaHgodhmvmMg

 

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/magazine/interactive/bmi/index.aspx

 

Just a quick click on google, no doubt there are better ones.

 

Keep strong mate :)

 

EDIT: Didn't see the 2nd page of the thread, Nodz's site may be better ;)

[Who]

thanks guys.

 

Times be hard :s

 

Im now minus a GF, trying to help a best friend who is dropping weight insanely quickly, comforting all my friends about cancer guy (jake) (hes was a big group member with all my friends during highschool, i went to a different school to them so i didnt know him that well) my other mate is still on holiday, mum's in a horrible mood (she said if i carry on swearing im out) im royally crapping myself about GCSE results, im getting left with all the chores and my laptop is almost entirely knackered.

 

needless to say things could be somewhat better

[The 12oach]

and i have to say that i was laughing at N1ppers post about that he deserves it if he was smoking. srry

 

but dodgem keep in mind that she wants to do it she will find out the hard that she is doing some bad stuff, id say google a bit and search for newspaper article about people getting killed by Anorexia (dunno if you guys have the same name for it but) most of the time it will wake people up.

 

I wanna wish all the best in this

 

and give her a kiss from us :P