Need a Giggle. Have a look at these jokes!

[Pherelas]

Thats brilliant, its more fun to do it yourself lol.

[Aquila DK]

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

 

-That's priceless! I laughed so hard!

[FA430RGT]

LoL-ing at this one..

[SupermAnthony]

Haha I just got a vision of an old man I saw on holiday wearing the 2000 underwear. Thanks for bringing back a memory I thought was banished to the back of my mind forever ;)

 

 

Happy birthday, Baldred! (it says it's your birthday on the main forum page)

[FA430RGT]

Haha I just got a vision of an old man I saw on holiday wearing the 2000 underwear. Thanks for bringing back a memory I thought was banished to the back of my mind forever ;)

 

 

Happy birthday, Baldred! (it says it's your birthday on the main forum page)

Apoligies :( And theres a thread for Baldy's big day..

[FA430RGT]

Oh my..

 

Beer contains female hormones

 

Last month, National University of Les otho scientists released the

 

results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female

 

hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer

 

consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops

 

contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn

 

into women.

 

 

 

 

 

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1

 

hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

 

1) Argued over nothing.

 

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

 

3) Gained weight.

 

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

 

5) Became overly emotional.

 

6) Couldn't drive.

 

7) Failed to think rationally.

 

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

 

No further testing was considered necessary.

[SupermAnthony]

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

 

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

 

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

[FA430RGT]

Love this! I think to keep this thread going.. If you laugh at someones joke.. They get +1 rep yo!

 

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a primary

school

class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and

their meanings.

 

 

The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of

the

word "tragedy". So the illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an

example

of a "tragedy".

 

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a

farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks

him dead, that would be a tragedy."

No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

 

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove

over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

 

I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al. "That's what we would

call a great loss. " The room goes silent. No other children volunteered.

 

Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me

an example of a tragedy?"

 

Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises his hand. In a stern

voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton

were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

 

Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That's right. And can you tell

me why that would be a tragedy?"

 

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great

loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

[Who]

this is weird

 

say the below text out loud

 

cow look

cow how

cow long

cow I

cow got

cow this

cow idiot

cow to

cow talk

cow about

cow cows

 

when you have done that, do this

 

look cow

how cow

long cow

I cow

got cow

this cow

idiot cow

to cow

talk cow

about cow

cows cow

 

and finish with

 

cow look cow

cow how cow

cowlong cow

cow I cow

cow got cow

cow this cow

cow idiot cow

cow to cow

cow talk cow

cow about cow

cow cows cow

 

now read the words in between 'cow' :p

[demon_ninja55]

lmao very funny

[FA430RGT]

Thinking of a new career..

http://www.dumpplay.com/media/4564/

[ScaR]

Ah yes good old comedy show on a channel here

[Enos]

I have tried this! Its absolute GENIUS!

 

14 things to do in a supermarket

 

14 things a man can do at the supermarket while his wife/gf/partner/female friend/mother is taking her time:

 

01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.

 

02. Set all the alarm clocks in DFS to go off at 5 minute intervals.

 

 

03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.

 

 

04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.

 

05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

 

06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department? and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

 

08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

 

09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

 

10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.

 

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

 

12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

 

13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"

 

And last but not least:

 

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

[cocoki700]

theres a little boy walking by his mom shes cutting a chicken and she cuts her finger she says the f word the boys asks what it means the mom says uhhh it means cut then the little boy walks past his dad shaving the dad says the s word the boys asks what it means he says it means beard then the boy walks past his sister who asks what r mom and dad doing the boy answers.moms effin a chicken and dad shaving his sjit i had to eddit it i got in trouble

[The Queen]

Heh, heard that one before. Did make me laugh the first time though :)

[FA430RGT]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84_QL1kEmH4

[Mb]

That is extremely funny! I saw it before and i laughed my ass off! :D

[Pherelas]

classic, got all my friends watching it now.

[FA430RGT]

Glad to know you lot enjoy'd it!!

[CarMadMike]

the things the japs would do for money, takeshis(sp) castle is an example

[craigie]

the things the japs would do for money, takeshis(sp) castle is an example

lol yeah, the things the japanese do to make the world laugh!

[eleKtro]

This is Sparta?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZBA0SKmQy8

[Nipper]

lol yeah, the things the japanese do to make the world laugh!

 

And ofcourse the motorsports they invented XD

[FA430RGT]

Signs Found on buildings..

 

Plumber:

"We repair what your husband Fixed."

 

At a tyre fitter in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout."

 

Door of a plastic surgeons office:

"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

 

Sign at the psychic's hotline:

"Don't call us, we'll call you."

 

At a laundrette:

"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the shop and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

 

At a towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

 

Billboard on the side of the road:

"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

 

On an electricians van:

"Let us remove your shorts."

 

In a non-smoking area:

"If we see smoke we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

 

On maternity room door:

"Push, Push, Push."

 

At an optician:

"If you don't see what you're looking for you've come to the right place."

 

On a taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

 

In a chiropodists office:

"Time wounds all heels."

 

On a butchers window:

"Let me meat your needs."

 

On a fence:

"Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive."

 

At a car dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

 

Outside a hotel:

"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

 

On a desk in a reception room:

"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

 

In a vets waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

 

At the Electric Company:

"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

 

On the door of a computer shop:

"Out for a quick byte."

 

In a restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

 

Inside a bowling alley:

"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

 

In the front yard of a funeral home:

"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

 

In a counsellors office:

"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."

[eleKtro]

On a desk in a reception room:

"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

 

That is a class one, going to edit that and put it on my door. Great find F430!