Why England should be the 51st state of America

[CarMadMike]

*Confiscates Tea and elevensies*

 

no, bad frenchie, you aint allowed!

 

:eek: How dare you, Rude Sheep! :oook::p

[Fridge Magnet Rabbit]

*sigh* yet another stupid argument...may i make a point about the language?

The english language is the most complicated in the world due to the fact that its made up of so many like french, germen, Welsh, Scottish, Celtic and more.

America only received the english language when Chris Columbus sailed the Atlantic and discovered america.

so if an american says the UK stole their language...mention Chris Columbus while yer at it

[Captain_ClutchKick]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry, Jewish fried fish with Irish chips or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. All this whilst being suspicious of anything foreign. Only in Britain can you get a pizza delivered to your home faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter. The supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get their cigs at the front of the shop. We might be British but by heck we're funny...

[EW]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry, Jewish fried fish with Irish chips or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. All this whilst being suspicious of anything foreign. Only in Britain can you get a pizza delivered to your home faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter. The supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get their cigs at the front of the shop. We might be British but by heck we're funny...

very good :p +rep

[Camel]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry, Jewish fried fish with Irish chips or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. All this whilst being suspicious of anything foreign. Only in Britain can you get a pizza delivered to your home faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter. The supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get their cigs at the front of the shop. We might be British but by heck we're funny...

lol, i remember reading that somewhere a while ago

[iBilo]

This one's better and is shows England in a better perspective. :D

 

The squirrel and the grasshopper

 

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

 

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and

improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper

thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

 

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper

has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

 

THE UK VERSION:

 

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a

fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

 

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference

and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well

fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and

starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering

grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his

comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The British press inform

people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this

poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

 

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of

GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a

cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a

multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

 

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel

got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike

on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge

for squirrels to enter inner London.

 

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic

Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning

of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders

for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt

when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish

it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially

mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy

members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

 

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed

retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new

home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a

temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to

Britain as they had to share their country

of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of

Britain's apparent love of dogs.

 

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and

attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them

pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return

them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would

face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money

from peoples credit cards.

 

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the

squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house

he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the

house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is

blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'. The cats seek recompense in the

British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

 

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a Burglary to

get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately

because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of

the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

 

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and State

the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug

rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers

representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are

praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural

diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend

the cats.

 

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the Press

blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root Causes of

despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

 

 

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed

when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United

Kingdom.

 

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the

burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their

credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and

order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a

shortfall in government funds.

[hesonly5]

Haha!! rofl, that's awesome! +rep if I could...

[CarMadMike]

Lmao, +rep, did drag on though :D

[HavockJoker]

America's 51 st state is going to be Puerto Rico, Because they will be allowed to vote in the '08 election.

[Rtoups]

OMG america is amazing

get a life is that all you could come up with. England is BETTER for the english and america is better for american's there is no why you can compare the two.

Well I just did! So bah!

 

Although I do hope you're being sarcy, Rtoups ;)

I do hope you don't say "sarcy" in real life...

 

If you note what Rtoups listed you will see the sarcasm clear as day guys. Chill out and take a dose of good humour every once in a while.

 

I mean who would put NASCAR as a positive?! ;)

 

Although I am a bit embarrased to say this, but I do watch NASCAR occasionally. But I rarely watch a race all the way through. And Formula 1 is my Number 1 Motorsport.

 

When I DO watch NASCAR, I cheer for Juan Pablo Montoya, since he is a former McLaren driver.

[TimBud]

Great find Chrisicus.

Its funny 'cos its true.

[hesonly5]

I do hope you don't say "sarcy" in real life...

 

..... why not?

[TimBud]

When I say 'sarcy' its normally followed by some kind of profanity.

And that makes it sound a lot cooler. :)

[Rtoups]

I dunno, just seems bizarre to me.

 

I also got a negative rep or whatever from that "sarcy" post...