Need a Giggle. Have a look at these jokes!

[Pherelas]

Hate Peter Kay, would -rep but that would be cruel, anyway...

 

(-rep thing was a joke, would never do that :( (<-- i like this like thing)

[eleKtro]

Russell Peters - Beating Your Kids

 

I was crying watching this.

 

* Warning * If you find this offensive or discriminating in anyway, then don't watch it, or stop watching it.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI

[CptDarknuggets]

There is a couple in a college dorm about to have sex,

 

The man says his buddy is sleeping on the lower bunk so they have to come up with a code as what to say when she wants it hard or soft.

 

She says right okay, Cheese for hard and tomato for soft.

 

They proceed in their intimate love making, and she begins chanting CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO TOMATO CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO TOMATO.

 

Then suddenly they hear his buddy on the lower bunk say,

 

Hey you guys stop making sandwiches. You're squirting me with mayonaise.

 

Crude...

[T1M]

There is this prawn who is madly in love with this crab.

 

One night, the prawn goes to see the crab, but the parents don't want him to see him, because he's stupid that he can only walk sideways.

 

Anyway, they invite him to dinner one evening, and the crab walks in Forwards!

 

The Prawn says to him:

 

"You're walking forwards!!"

 

And the crab says:

 

"Shut up, i'm ******"!

 

To tell you what the word was, would be against the forum rules, but it means drunk.

________

black girl Webcam

[H4milton]

Man, I am very good at these Jokes, YEEEHAAA!!!

 

1.

There are three good friends. Their names are Fight,Crazy and Brain. One day Fight was lost. Crazy and Brain go to the police station.

Crazy:Sir, im looking for Fight.

Police:What? Are you looking for fight?

Crazy:Yes, sir.

Police:Are you crazy?

Crazy:Yes, sir. Im crazy.

Police:Did you have brain?

Crazy:Yes, sir. Brain is just beside me

 

 

2.

Raymond:What will you do if you lose a tooth?

Jack:I will paste it back with toothpaste.

[EW]

Juicy Squirt

 

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

 

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

 

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

 

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

 

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

[H4milton]

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.

She does and they continue.

A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."

She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.

This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"

He says "No, I'm trying to get them out

[EW]

Who is God?

 

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

[Baltoman]

There's these two guys hunting, one guy has this super high-powered rifle with a really good scope. First man looks down the scope and says "Wow, I can see your house all the way from your house, and it looks like your wife's f*cking another guy!". The other man says "Dammit, I'm tired of that cheatin' whore, shoot her in the head and shoot him in the dick." The first guy says "Alright, I think I can get that in one shot.

 

Didnt you read the Thread's rules? no swearing

[macd79]

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.

So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

[CarboyZR1]

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.

So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

That's not funny. That's sad.

[Baldy]

Swearing has been dealt with now. And here's one.

 

Two nuns riding bike's on cobbles. One say's to the other "i've never come this way before" the other say's "it's a shortcut" :D

 

Please all member's if you see any swearing don't quote the post or ask for it to be removed just report the post by clicking that button.

Many thanks tdu-central staff.

[hesonly5]

Haha, I was gonna post that one. Scott and Chappers are waay to naive sometimes xD

[Baldy]

Haha, had me chuckling on the way to work. Although the Wimbledon one was crap.

[iBilo]

I couldn't find the thread with all da Jokes in it, so I founded this one! :D

 

World's shortest fairy tale...

 

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted,

 

The End.

[Speed]

Merged :)

[iBilo]

Thanks Speed :)

[Guest � � !!!Sonia]

Same Lunch

 

Once a bengali -Mr Sorabjit Chakroborty, a madrasi- Mr Vengaswami Iyer and a sardar- Santa Singh used to work in an office which was on the 20th floor of a building...so everyday they used to bring their lunch.

 

Mr Chakroborty used to bring fish and rice, Mr Iyer brought vada samber and Santa Singh used to bring paranthas in their lunch.. everyday they used to bring the same food in the office... all three were very sad coz their wives used to give them the same food everyday.. one day all the three decided that if they get the same food the next day also they will jump out of the window of their office which was at the 20th floor and commit suicide and also left a suicide note.

 

On the next day with same lunch (as was expected) all three jumped out of the window and died.. on the day of the funeral of the trio, Mrs Chakroborty and Mrs Iyer were crying and said "why didn't they tell us we could have had made them something different. Why did he leave me?"

 

At this Mrs Santa Singh also crying said "I don't know why he jumped as he himself used to cook the food."

[Speed]

Please keep your jokes in this thread, rather than posting each of them in a new thread, thanks.