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Why England should be the 51st state of America

Guest RB26DETT

By Guest RB26DETT
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Guest RB26DETT

Guest RB26DETT

Posted
Posted

hmmm. i'll paste it here. :p

 

No flaming! I found it funny! :D

 

Dear Sir. Hubert TC. William Buxomley, Duke of Cobham,

 

I read your letter arguing for the re-incorporation of America into the British Empire. Your arguments have caused a literal eruption of my spleen. (BTW, I'll be sending you my medical bills, as the American health care system is spotty at best.) As we celebrate our 232nd year of blissful independence from the hated Red Coats, perhaps it's time to finally make amends. And by make amends, I mean surrender to us entirely.

 

Here is how we (us) will both (just us) benefit from making England a permanent part of the States. (We're going to conquer you.)

 

Food

Yeah, yeah, it's a cliché that your food is terrible. But you know the funny thing about cliches? They're usually true. Have you ever actually tasted blood pudding? (Though you did have the brilliant idea to pair fried fish with French fries. I would applaud you if my hands weren't currently covered in Cheet-o dust.) Give us five minutes with your so-called bangers and mash, and they'll be wrapped in bacon and sandwiched and between two Krispy Kremes before you can say "bob's your uncle." (Why do you people say that? From now on you speak American in the 51st state: "New England East.")

 

More reasons after the jump.

 

 

 

Gossip

Granted, much of America's current tabloid culture originated in the United Kingdom. Therefore, after your inevitable submission, we will combine our celeb mags into one all-powerful, all-seeing "super rag." No celebrity will be safe. The Olsens will quake in their Ugg boots. Hayden Panettiere will think twice before taking her dog on a stroll to Starbucks. And Amy Winehouse will continue to act like a crackhead vagabond. (P.S., you can keep her.)

 

TV

This one's a no-brainer. Ninety percent of our shows come from the U.K. anyway. At this point it would just be easier to air whatever you're showing on the BBC right now. You've got like four of them, might as well share the wealth. And your "Big Brother" has way more cleavage than ours. (And no Julie Chen.)

Landmarks

Put simply, you have too many. Big Ben? Who needs a clock anymore when everyone's got cell phones? Moving forward, all of your landmarks will be used to sell ad space. Trafalgar Square will henceforth be known as Boost Mobile Plaza. Tower of London? Trump Tower: Ol' Blimey. And Parliament? Dave & Buster's.

 

Sienna Miller

Failing all of the above, America demands that an immediate "declaration" for the "independence" of Sienna Miller be drawn up. (She was born in New York City, after all.) Once the emancipation of Sienna is complete (and she's liberated more often from her clothing), she'll be free to become a permanent fixture in American films, television, and the fantasies of 13-year-old boys. Sienna has been under the tyranny of the Queen for far too long. (Stop sniveling, you get Heidi Montag as a trade.)

 

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal. Except for the Red Coats.

 

Happy 4th,

Joe Bob McBaldEagleton

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Nige Experienced

Nige

Posted
Posted

'Why the United Kingdom should be the 51st state of America'

 

Not England, the United Kingdom I don't believe that all 4 countries should be seperate imo, but thats for another thread.

 

 

Anyway given the choice of either the European Union or United States, I gotta say I would rather be a partner of the States rather than the European Union :).

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Baltoman Grand Master

Baltoman

Posted
Posted

LMAO, what a joke. Every day there would be civil wars. Although I do luv both Countries <3

 

It's really not funny at all!

 

No, I don't find this funny either. I would find the closest bridge and make the leap

 

Com'on guys, its just a joke. *Its not really gonna happen*;)

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Iced_Bullet Grand Master

Iced_Bullet

Posted
Posted
Com'on guys, its just a joke. *Its not really gonna happen*;)
I know it's not going to happen. The content of the "letter" or w/e was very unfunny. I didn't even smile once. Which is the point I'm trying to make.

 

E: Correction. I smiled at the end. Once I'd realised it was completly unfunny and pointless!

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Baltoman Grand Master

Baltoman

Posted
Posted
I know it's not going to happen. The content of the "letter" or w/e was very unfunny. I didn't even smile once. Which is the point I'm trying to make.

 

E: Correction. I smiled at the end. Once I'd realised it was completly unfunny and pointless!

 

:rolleyes: here we go

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Speedtouch Mentor

Speedtouch

Posted
Posted

I didn't laugh at all at that either. It just isn't funny. Not because its insulting or whatever, because it isn't, it is never going to happen, and all that. Its just the way it was written I think. Terribly.

 

And EU or US? I actually think I'd go for the EU. Then move to somewhere cool, like Liechtenstein. The US is so much worse, in fact, because of things like these. Yes I know its never going to happen, and it was all a joke, but it isn't funny, and the Americans think it is to suddenly talk about 'owning' other countries.

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